Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
