false alarm. still invincible.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
