I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I forget how to act sober
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
