either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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