Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
