In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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