and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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