the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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