I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
