The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
