your thong is hanging out like whoa
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
