I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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