I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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