On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
