1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
