its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I would fuck him just for his dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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