Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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