I love black thongs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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