is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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