whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
