So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
