Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this beer tastes like vomit already
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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