I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
These tits shall not be calmed
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