she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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