I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
