Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
