I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
