Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I AM VODKA MAN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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