i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
