It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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