saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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