I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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