i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
