my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
