So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
