Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
