we have officially lost it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
