guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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