absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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