I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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