nut hugger
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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