Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
