drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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