Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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