I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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