Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
