Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone threw a dead crab at me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
