The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
