Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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