so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
