maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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